Sunday, 25 January 2015

CLICK HERE AND BE AN ONLINE COMEDIAN

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE FUNNY?
ARE YOU READY TO BE A POPULAR ONLINE COMEDIAN?
CAN YOU CRACK RIBS BY WRITING WORDS?
CAN YOU COMPETE WITH OTHER ONLINE COMEDIANS?

THEN DONT WASTE TIME, SEND YOUR JOKES TO seyibars@gmail.com
YOUR JOKES WILL BE READ AND APPROVED
AT THE END OF EVERY MONTH, WE CHOOSE THE BEST ONLINE COMEDY KING AND THERE IS A PRICE FOR THAT (ALL WE NEED IS YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER - TRUST US)

TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY:
-don't steal jokes
-two jokes must be sent every week of the month (after you have been approved)
-jokes must be at least a minimum of 55 words
-your names should be written below the joke for recognition
-you must be above 15 before you are registered
-invite two friends who are good in online comedy and alert us that you invited them.

WHATSAPP US @08035593058
your details are safe with us

L.Y.A.O (LAUGH YOUR ASSES OUT): God is Watching U Jokes

God is Watching U Jokes:

— Your account balance is 2kobo only, n u are singing aloud “she must chop my money”#GodisWatchingUin3D
— U update ur BBM status with “I love ONLY u boo” and 45 Girls reply privately with “thanks luv” #GodisWatchingUin3D
— 18yrs u’r Dating a bros of 41yrs. Ur pm: “Can’t Wait to see mγ Baby” is dat ur Baby or ur Daddy? #GodisWatchingUin3D
— Ur mum sells stock fish and ur dad exchanges money and u say ur parents work in stock exchange. #GodisWatchingUin3D
— You’re a fisherman and you tell ur neighbours u work offshore #GodisWatchingUin3D
— Your mum sells Palm oil and your dad sells cooking Gas and you tell people your parents are into oil and gas business. #GodisWatchingUin3D
— You go to different church every sunday and stand as a new comer 2 eat meat pie and drink malt. #GodisWatchingUin3D
— U are laying on a mat in ur room, busy battling with mosquitoes and still u update saying ‘weather 4 two’. #GodisWatchingUin3D
— U tweet from a Nokia 3110c and its showing “via Ubersocial for Blackberry. #GodisWatchingUin3D

L.Y.A.O (LAUGH YOUR ASSES OUT): The Hotel Bill

An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant birthday by staying overnight in one of London’s most expensive hotels.When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $1,250.00. She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high.


“It’s a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren’t worth $1,250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast. “The clerk told her that $1,250.00 is the ‘standard rate’ so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and forewarned by the desk clerk announced:
“The hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use.”
“But I didn’t use them,” she said.
“Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager. He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow, and Aberdeen performing here,” the Manager said. “But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said. “Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied. No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use it!”
The Manager was unmoved, so she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to the Manager. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque.
“But madam, this cheque is only made out for $50.00.”
“That’s correct. I charged you $1,200.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.
pwahahaha
“But I didn’t!” exclaims the very surprised Manager.
“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”
Moral of the story: Don’t mess with Senior Citizens!!.

L.Y.A.O (LAUGH YOUR ASSES OUT) : Akpors & His Debtor, Ochuko


Akpors was broke and needed money badly; luckily he remembered his friend Ochuko was owing him some money and decided to reach out to him. Ochuko on the other hand wanted to avoid Akpors by all means and the following ensued:
AKPORS (pings Ochuko): Guy what’s up? How are you doing?
OCHUKO: (No reply)
AKPORS: Hope you are doing great?
OCHUKO: (no reply)
AKPORS: How is life?
OCHUKO: (no reply)
AKPORS: You remembered those babes we saw that day?.. The one called Precious says she needs your
number.
OCHUKO: Ooooh! sorry, actually I was a little bit busy. My man, which Precious, the dark tall one with big boobs?
AKPORS: So you saw my messages and choose not to reply. Anyway, is the dark red one called money. Where is my money you owe me?

L.Y.A.O (LAUGH YOUR ASSES OUT)_ The stranded Christians


Two Christians were stranded in the Sahara desert on their way to Libya.
One was called David and the other was called Christian. They were terribly dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis with what looked like an emirate with a mosque in the middle. David said to Christian “Let’s pretend to be Muslims otherwise we will not get food or drink. I am going to call myself Muhammad Gambo”
Christian refused to change his name “My name is Christian and I will not pretend to be what I am not”. Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you, replied David.
When they got there, the Imam of the Mosque received both of them well and asked for their names. David said “My name is Muhammad Gambo” while Christian said “My name is Christian”.
The Imam turned to the helpers of the Mosque and said “Please bring some food and water for Christian only.” Then he turned to the other and said “Well Muhammad Gambo, since you are a confirmed Muslim I’m sure you remember that we are still in the month of Ramadan and you can therefore not break your fast now?
David fainted.

VIEW: Iyanya Moves Into New House

MMMG Music act, Iyanya whom a lot of people prefer to call Mr Oreo has moved into a new home.
Ubi Franklin his manager stylishly announced it this afternoon by posting a photo of the new abode, but we weren’t sure then. We can now confirm to you that indeed Iyanya moved into a new home today. Big congrats to him. See more photos after the cut.
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK

SEE: | Photo-- Olamide Spotted With Olofa Of Offa, Oba Elegushi

SEE: Olamide Spotted With Olofa Of Offa, Oba Elegushi | Photos

SEE: Olamide Spotted With Olofa Of Offa, Oba Elegushi | Photo

Ingenious Rapper Olamide was in Offa, Kwara State yesterday to perform at Oba Elegushi’s daughter wedding,
After his performance the rapper posed with the Olofa of Offa, Oba Mufutau Muhammed Oloyede Gbadamosi, Oba Elegushi, King Saheed Elegushi.